One of my jugs is missing!

No, not that kind of jug! An actual jug. I’ve received a lot of flowers today and they’re all beautiful, but when Mr S and I went searching for enough vases, we found we were one down: a green jug. I’ve no idea what I did with it – lent it out, probably – but there I was, declaring, ‘I’ve lost one of my jugs!’ and there Mr S was, sniggering in the kitchen, while the youngest child asked, ‘What’s even funny?!’

We pressed the custard jug into service, which looks very pretty indeed. If you come to ours and we offer you custard, you might want to ask which jug we’re serving it in.

This brings me neatly onto a word game, suggested to me in one of my get well cards. The suggestion made me laugh out loud and it is to think of as many words as I  can, ‘to replace the word ‘breasts’ in this phrase: Wow! Great pair of breasts!’ The game’s inventor then suggests a few starters: jugs, melons, cannons, baps.

Blimey, I’ve never heard of cannons before now! Well, not in that context. I have been thinking about this, though, because I am going to need to use a variety of terms in the blog. Here’s the ones I’ve come up with so far:

Accurate: breasts, mammary glands (as in the Smiths lyric, ‘Let me get my hands|Upon your mammary glands’. Honestly, Morrissey, you’re such a tit yourself! Who writes lyrics like that?)

Coy: boobs, boobies.

Vintage: knockers, jugs, baps, ‘lovely pair’, with wordplay possibilities on, ‘lovely pear.’

Crude: tits.

Inexplicable: snack trays.

Entertainingly daft: tatas, norks.

If you’re feeling bold, you might like to see the list compiled here: http://eduncovered.com/50-great-names-breasts-2013-10-30 If you’re already questioning my role in your life, as a consequence of this post, I’d leave that link well alone if I were you. In the meantime, try and remember that I’m still slightly high on the after effects of the GA and judge me accordingly. It’ll be all highbrow from here on in, I promise. (Promises made while under the influence have no standing in law, do they?)

 

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Author: Jacqui Searle

I live with a husband, two children and a small, crazy dog. I write when I can, usually about grandmothers, although I haven't figured out why that is yet. In my spare time I walk the dog, bake cakes, sew badly and write. I once drove a steam train - that was amazing. I've also driven a vintage tractor and crewed narrowboats.

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